Saturday Sun....

Waking up early on this day, a cloudy dreary Saturday morning I was instantly scrambling for things to do with my kids today in the event the rain lasted all day. As many of my FB followers have taken note of our weekend days are usually spent at one of our local pools during the summer months. The weather cleared up a bit and I finally called the pool about 11:45 am and they confirmed they were open for business come 12 noon.

The kids went into high gear and were swim ready in about 8 minutes. This is one of the few things that gets my kids motivated, going to the pool. Any pool at any time on any day of the year. They are clearly water babies and I love seeing them in the water. The pool had been open about 15 minutes by the time we got there and we were the first ones there. There were 7 life guards at their posts around the pool just for my kids and I. Talking about feeling safe. The sun was starting to shine and the clouds were moving out of the area as the kids jumped into the cold water. Within a matter of moments they were sliding, swimming, and diving through the clear water.

I take no greater joy than enjoying my children in their element and clearly the element of water is one that resonates deeply with my kids. The energy of the water and the warmth of the sun and winds of the air make for a perfect day in the pool. It is amazing to me how they can talk to any body and just strike up a conversation with whoever they encounter. I always here I made a new friend today dad. Then I ask that question I always ask...."What is their name!" They always look at me like I have 3 heads like who cares we played and had fun and we became friends and then they answer me and say, "I don't remember!" Which is their way of saying it never came up. Their concept of friendship is a beautiful thing. The name doesn't matter but the shared experience is what makes a friend. Maybe if we adults were more concerned about the shared experience rather than the other person's name age and occupation we would have more friends! Something for my mind to ponder on further.

They clearly enjoy the concession stand almost as much as the water itself. One had two pretzels, ice cream sandwich, a small drink and a pack of apples and caramel and a bag of skittles. Another had nachos (no cheese), ice cream cone and apples and caramel and small drink (which I drank) and a bag of M&Ms. The other child said she wasn't hungry and only had a drink and a bosco stick! Every week we go through the litany of menu options available like they do not know it by heart by now, Lord knows I do! Needless to say some 22 dollars later and they were still hungry. Geesh they are bottomless pits especially when at the pool.

Looking at my kids in their natural environment around the water and their true love of life comes forth. Truly the joy they emanate is like the effervescent bubbles from your favorite carbonated drink. Almost intoxicating. That emotion they bring only makes them more beautiful and handsome than they already are! Who says being happy doesn't make you look better!

After 4 and a half hours at the pool we are walking out feeling alive and sun-kissed they want to know if we are coming back tomorrow! I tell them it is still the weekend isn't it! Then I get the, "I love you dad" and "You are the best" comments that make my heart sing. I will take those moments they love me and aren't afraid to show it because I am sure within an hour someone will hate me for something else.

Life finally felt normal today, 26 days since The Burning, and it almost felt normal. It was a good day!

21 Days Later - The Burning

So here we are 3 weeks later....

Now that the madness has subsided some I think the reality of the fire has truly set in for us all. I am now situated in an apartment with Courtney, my oldest. While AJ, Lyric and Alexis are all living with Julie in a house a couple of miles away. It has been nearly 2 years now since we all started living under one roof again. This unique family arrangement is once again being tested. While I worry about the kids the most, it creates unique challenges for us parents. Now when I have my assigned time with the kids I have to stay in the house with them and Julie vacates during that time. During the week I stay until bedtime and get them all settled and then I return to my apartment and Julie manages the overnights and mornings. Then in the morning Julie drops at least on, two or three of them off at my apartment for me to deliver them to their daily activities. Obviously this is less than ideal arrangement, but I have come to realized many two household families have schedules and routines that are similar and less than convenient. Maybe we are not so unique after all.

The emotional toll it has taken on us all finally started becoming more evident. Our emotions are frayed and we tend to be short tempered with each other, parent and kids alike. I can honestly say that I don't think the fire ever completely totally leaves my mind. It is always floating around somewhere in the background, especially as we continue to manage details of the clean out and clean up on a nearly daily basis. I get annoyed anytime some issue or detail stops or delays progress on the house. In my mind, I keep playing with this six month time line and we tell the kids we are hoping to be home by Christmas. Yet at the same time I see the chaos and devastation and think to myself really???? Is it a false expectation to have that hope. Are we going to be disappointed. Will we not be home for Christmas? I know maybe being home for Christmas is not a big deal, but it would definitely add to the feeling and sentiment that Christmas brings.

My youngest son, AJ, age 7 is struggling and experiencing his sadness through a lot of anger. Little things are setting him off and he is just not his normal self. He is broody and sullen and the timing coincides with the fire and the end of school. Two major events that have broken his routine and schedule. Two hotels and one temporary home later and we are hoping the consistency that we are now employing three weeks later will help his sadness and anger ease. I am sad that this has had such a profound impact on him, he is even resisting affection and cuddling from us and that really makes me sad. Good news he is now sleeping his own bed full time which is something we have prayed for several years. Woohoo

Alexis has had nightmares since the first night, but they have finally started to ease as we have gotten more settled.  Lyric seems a bit more argumentative than usual and is having a hard time accepting the fact that she can not have her new room right now. She has this grand design for the room of her dreams involving red, pink, purple and brown! That color scheme has not been approved by management as of yet.

One apartment and one house later and we trying to find our new normal. I just hope we find it before we have to relocate back to the house when it is complete. That we can plan for and prepare, this one left no room for preparation or planning and was totally on the fly and put the parents in a tail spin for a week or two.

I did order a new mattress from Amazon and a bed frame to go with it. The mattress came in today and it was all rolled up. It was crazy and has to lay flat for 24 hours before use. It is crazy, but I have heard nothing but positive reports. Courtney will be sleeping on it for now and we will see what comments he has to offer.

As I have learned 21 days is enough time for a lot to happen! It is a bit surreal but I can still see the huge billows of smoke pouring out of the house that evening! It clearly an image etched into my mind for the rest of my life! Looking forward to some new good memories to be etched into my mind!

16 days later....The Burning

It has been two weeks and two days since The Burning! In many ways it already feels like it was a lifetime ago, In reality never does a day go by when I am not reminded multiple times that it was just 16 days ago. I am experiencing a level of "tired" like I have never known before. My body hurts and aches and I am tired all the time!

During this time we have assessed the damage on several different layers, found new temporary housing, reestablished morning routes and routines for everyone, set up a new parenting schedule, been to the fire house every day for one reason or another and stayed on top of vendors and contract workers who are working in the house. I have also had an 8th grade graduation, a 5th grade promotion, baseballs practices and medical appointments. I have sent my dog away to live with my parents until the house is habitable again. Moving into a small apartment tomorrow and I have never lived in a traditional apartment such as this!

Through it all I am constantly reminded how much worst it could have all been or still be if things had just been the least bit different. No one was hurt or killed, the house was not a total loss, a chance to start anew, getting some bonding time with my kids. Many of you have provided blessings in many different ways and I cannot even to thank you enough for what you did for my family during a difficult time. I have learned some things about myself and about others that I am close to.

I went to the fire house this morning and watched as they carted out all the furnishings that THEY deemed were salvageable. All those pieces of furniture that had all sorts of stuff in them were emptied and the piece then removed from the house. Needless to say the house looks worst now then it did before. Stuff piled everywhere and it is just depressing like a bad episode of Hoarders! Not pretty!

The next step will be for the remaining "Stuff" to be emptied out of the house and tossed and disposed of as they were too damaged from water and smoke. That cannot be done until the inventory people finish the job of itemizing every item we own and then we get to go through each line item and report the age, the costs to purchase and where it was purchased. I am so dreading that part. I honestly don't know where I bought the pair of red and blue socks. I know they have been in the drawer several years and how much I paid for them. How the heck do I know! Sigh...

It is clear that this entry is somewhat of a bummer but it is real! Someone asked me yesterday how I was doing and I responded by saying, "I don't know how I am right now!"

Honestly I really just want to go home! Yet I have made up my mind that 6 months will be worth the wait.