Thursday, November 5, 2015

The lost boy....

It has been a little over four and a half years ago when Will Andrew Ballard walked into my life. As many of you know that was not his name at the time, he specifically chose this name himself prior to his adoption. As you see his face in these photos you will see many things! Joy, Sadness, Chaos, Peace, Mistrust, Trust and oh the layers his soul contains!
 

 Many of you know his story already and with each passing day his story seems to become more complex. This week marks two years since we made the difficult choice to place him in a residential facility for troubled kids. I never in my wildest dreams thought he would be  gone for so long. Early on during his time away, dealing with the guilt of making that choice was overwhelming yet I was able to develop a new normal, whatever that means. Weekend visits at the facility as well as occasional visits home and weekly phone calls seems to help, but yet I fear we have lost much during this time.

I stop and think that there are pieces of his daily life I know nothing about. That is hard for me as I am typically so involved in the daily comings and goings of all my kids! I do know he has gone from a sie 8 shoe to a size 14 shoe! YIKES! The entire notion of trusting your child's well-being to strangers is very challenging. Reminds me of how birth parents that lose their kids and then have to trust someone else is raising their kids in a way that is healthy! I have the hope of knowing and awaiting his return home, but some times it feels like I may be waiting an eternity.



Will has been heavy on my heart in recent days and while I do not know why, I do know that my prayers for him have been intensified. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is making progress and actually accepting and asking for help when needed. Those things give me hope! I also know that Will has to make his own choices about how he is going to live his life!

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the future and when I think about his future, I often pause! We have all heard the tragic stories of kids who have been lost in the system, even after adoption. The kids who have walked away from loving wonderful adoptive families because they do not see themselves worthy of being a part of something so wonderful. Or maybe it is the guilt that they have abandoned their family of origin is too much and they return to them when they become of age! Then we hear the success stories of kids being adopted and having a life that is rich and full and likely a path they could have never traveled had they not been adopted. This leads me to wonder which path Will's feet shall travel in the years ahead.

At the age of 14, this amazing young man with a beautiful smile and caring heart has encountered much. I just wonder if he truly knows what a difference he has made in my life and the many others lives he has encountered since coming into our family. I am not sure he is really the lost boy, but rather it is I who is the lost boy! Lost without my son in my daily life! Lost knowing my son is hurting and growing and I can't be there to comfort him and cheer him on. I am the lost boy in this story.....I am lost not having all my kids under the same roof! I am lost not hearing his boisterous voice echo through the hallways of this home every day!



Yet, I KNOW THIS....Will is not lost!

 I KNOW THIS.....For such a time as this, Will is where he needs to be! I am clear that Will could not have handled the divorce process if he were here.

 I KNOW THIS.....Will is coming home and he will be stronger than before

 I KNOW THIS....Will is a child of God and that means the plans for his life have been established forever and amen!

Please keep Will in your prayers as he continues his journey home!