P-U-S-H – Pray until something happens. This was my plea a
couple of weeks ago and clearly it worked as prayers and good thoughts were
shooting up from all over the globe and yesterday finally something HAPPENED.
Sadly the happening was not what I was hoping would happen.
Judge Green of Cole County Courts in Jefferson City, Missouri,
determined that it was not in the best interest of my children to have an
ongoing daily relationship with me, their father. He ruled that full custody of
my children (aka The Ballard Bunch) would go to their mother and that the
children would be allowed to have supervised visits with their father based on
their mother’s sole discretion. There were no parameters established as to
length, frequency and type of supervised visitation they would be allowed to
have with their father only that they had to be supervised.
My children (as do all children) need their father and yet at no time during the
course of the divorce trial was it ever proven in any way shape or form that I
had ever harmed my children or put them at risk. The mother of my children sat
on the witness stand and admitted to the fact that I was a good father and
loved my children and provided excellent care as the primary care giver to our
five children over the past five years. It was five years ago that together we
made the decision for me to leave my full time employment and become a full
time stay at home dad. There were three attorneys involved in the case and all
three proposed 3 different custody arrangements of these five children and
Judge Green ignored all the proposals and went off and did his own thing.
Having sole custody of the children was not what my ex-wife asked for. I truly
believe it places an unfair burden on her.
In a culture where the cry of so many is to ensure that
children have actively involved fathers in their lives, my children are denied
this in their own lives. A father who has dedicated his life to theirs and
ensuring they had everything they needed to be successful in life including my
own unwavering commitment and love to them. Look at my Facebook page and you
will see posts and photo after post and photo of their life with dad. If you know one of the members of The Ballard Bunch ask and they will tell you how
they feel about our family. Their mother has stated she wants me to continue to
have a relationship with the children and has no desire to keep me out of the
loop, yet that does not equal total and unfettered access to me as their
father. Everything will have to run through the filter of their mother, who is
a good person, but is viewing things through the perspective of hurt and
possibly anger due to the demise of our marriage. I admit I made a number of mistakes
in our marriage and she was hurt by me and I have apologized privately and
publicly, but I am still concerned that her attitude towards me will seep into the
hearts of my children if not given consistent ongoing contact with me.
We all know that there are two sides to every story, but in
my opinion there is only one side to look at and that is side of the CHILDREN! The
Ballard Bunch who need their father’s ongoing consistent involvement in daily
life not when and if it is convenient for their mother to include me? So all
this background to say this…
IT IS TIME TO P-U-S-H
AGAIN! I am asking you all to join me in prayer as I take on the arduous
task of appealing this decision. The appeals process is tiring, expensive, and
emotionally nerve wracking, but I do this primarily for my children not for me.
Yes I admit I am hurt and devastated by the ruling and would love to crawl into
a hole and never come out again, but once again I choose to rise and take a
stand for my children who need their father. I have already spent thousands of
dollars on the initial divorce and still owe several thousands to my divorce
lawyer who did a good job of representing me and is also baffled by the
outcome. I appreciate his non offensive approach in the courtroom but now for
the appeal it is time to be on the offense and fight for the rights of my
children to have a father.
It is also at this time that I am going to make a bold
statement that may shock some of you. That may cause some of you to unfriend me
on Facebook and even in life. Some of you already know or won’t be surprised at
all. I truly believe the judge’s main motivation behind his ruling was
homophobia. Since my ex-wife left me 19 months ago, I have acknowledged and
accepted my identity as a man who is homosexual. You will not find me to be a rainbow flag waving man on the front lines of the latest gay agenda item. But I at the same time I will do what I need to get the rights of my children back so they can be with their father. I don’t
define myself as a gay man, but rather a man who happens to be gay. I am also a
son, father, brother, cousin, friend, confidant, Coca Cola lover, Scottish
Terrier owning, tv show binger, flea market junkie, and most important I still
claim first and foremost my identity as a CHILD
OF GOD!
As I noted above, not all of you will be supportive of my stated
declaration. If you don’t like it and don’t want to hear it then you may
unfriend me on Facebook and don’t read my blog any longer. That is your choice.
I only need people in my life that will support my children’s desire and need to
have an active daily relationship with their father. This is not the time
engage me in theological, philosophical or moral debate, as you will be put on
the back burner and ignored until the appeal is over. You either support the
need for my children to have a father or you don’t. If you don’t quietly move
along for the sake of my children.
The reason I tell you all this here and now is that this
appeal has the potential to gain some notoriety which may or may not help the
decision to be overturned. Being so public would not be my preference as I
enjoy a private life and want to protect my children from the harsh realities
of life given their backgrounds. Additionally, there is potential for people to
gossip and spread stories of half-truths and flat out lies as this appeals
process moves forward. Being this forth coming results in no big surprises for
anyone. If you have a question or concern about something I ask you come to me and ask me
directly. I have nothing to hide and at this point no secrets. I yam what I
yam!
There are several things I am asking my family, friends, and
acquaintance to do if you feel so led to be a part of our family's journey!
- 1 Please continue the P-U-S-H for giving the kids
back their dad. Pray until something happens. Pray a lawyer agree to takes the
case. Pray that the children will continue to feel loved, blessed and adored by
their dad during this season. Pray for peace and protection for each of the kids
during this season
- Pray that wisdom is given regarding the myriad of financial
issues I am facing during this time. Pray that the legal system will find favor
on behalf of my children as the appeal progresses. And above all pray that God’s
will is executed in the months ahead.
- Please spread the word of this case. Share this
blog post on your Facebook pages so that word will get out there that the
judicial system is robbing The Ballard Bunch of their father. There needs to be
some publicity and fervor behind this case in order to the attention of some
key movers and shakers. I am just one man advocating for my children, I need
others advocating on their behalf as well. Others to join me so please share
our story with others in discussions, forward to every lawyer you know, just
share the story that these children are losing their daddy and it is because of
bigotry and ignorance.
- It is very difficult for me to ask for help but I
have no choice. I have set up a Go Fund account for anyone who wants to assist
me financially with additional legal costs as the appeal process moves forward.
Don’t do it for me. Do it for those five children who need their daddy! You
will see information on my Facebook page about how you can contribute to the Go
Fund account. No pressure and I don’t expect much, just know that I am selling
everything that is nailed down in order to fund this appeal. Furnishings, my
Coke Collection, housewares, clothing, everything not necessary to my daily
living will be sold to fund this appeal. My fear is that still won’t be enough.
This is a very difficult thing for me to ask for, but I do it for my children.
- It will be tempting to want to pick a side in
this situation. This is not a case of sides. This is not a case of mother
versus father. This is not a case of gay versus straight. This is a case for
the CHILDREN and their need to have two parents active in their daily lives.
This is a case where a judge took the authority he was given by the voters and
executed in such a way that five kids have lost a father they can count on to
be present in their lives each day!
- Finally, if you know my kids and see them
somewhere don’t talk to them about these matters. This is their fight, but it
is a fight I am waging on their behalf. They need to enjoy their childhoods as
much as they can in the midst of all these transitions and changes. You can
give them love, understanding and patience as they adjust to these changes.
Keep them out of the details of all that is about to happen.
I truly don’t know what all the future holds for the kids
and I as we move forward. I have confidence that it will be ok! I am not going
to sit idly by and let these things happen without fighting for what is best
for my children. I will never give up on my kids whether I see them every day
or once a week or twice a month. These kids were given to me as precious
beautiful gifts and I have never taken that for granted or ever willingly put them in harm’s way nor
would I ever. Anyone who knows me and my commitment to children in this country knows that.
Thanks again for taking the time to read this. I will keep the blog updated as updates
become available. Thanks for considering ways you can help The Ballard Bunch.
