Hello hospital my old friend....

 Well after a perfectly nice and relaxing day yesterday, I once again ended up here at Capital Region Medical Center in Jefferson City. It was strangely odd and comforting to awake in this familiar place. It has been 19 months since my last visit to the hospital. There have definitely been some upgrades since my last stay, but we will talk about that later. 

As I said earlier it had been a perfectly lovely day, Spent time with my mom and dad and our closest friends of over 50 years yesterday. Stopped by the store on my way home. Got home and was comfy. The dogs were cuddled on my bed. I had made me a batch of popcorn to munch on and had a coke near by and was all Netflix & Chill! About 8 pm I got up off the bed to let Howie (the golden doodle) outside. As I stepped across the the room something hit me and I staggered. I can recall like a bright flash in my brain and then suddenly I felt a hard thumping in my chest right where the ticker hangs out. I stumbled on down the hall and found myself struggling to breathe and I paused for a second. Then I realized I was fading, like the world around me was slowly going dark. I was able to get to the door to get Howie out of the way. Fighting the darkness closing in I turned back around to try and get back to my bed. 

Then another bright flash in my brain and again I felt light headed and was fighting the urge to panic as I stopped and leaned on the wall of the hallway as my chest was experiencing heavy pain and the loud thumps of someone trying to beat their way out of heart, I somehow stumbled back to my bed and collapsed. I laid on my bed and felt myself almost coming and going. I don't think I ever completely lost consciousness, but it was close. I knew something was not right so I called 911 on my phone. My daughter Lexi was in the house, but I knew she wouldn't hear me if I called for her and honestly didn't have the strength to call out. I called 911 and told them I thought I was having a heart attack or something and that I needed help. 

They asked me all the questions and dispatched the EMS team. I was able to explain the situation with the dogs and my daughter and they would have to tell her what was going on as she had no idea I was in distress. An entire complement of some of Jefferson City's best EMS folks made their way through the catacomb to get to my bedroom where I was waiting for help. When they arrived my heart was still hard thumping and I was still very in and out of awareness of the world around me. I think I was able to answer their questions. When they arrived my heart rate was 36 and they could not even hardly find a readable blood pressure. They hooked me up to a portable EKG and had me take some chewable aspirin and got the work. Before I knew what was happening I was being transported out of my bedroom in like a unzipped body bag and through the narrow hallway to a waiting gurney in the backyard. They got me up the hill and loaded up and off we went for a three minute ride to Capital Region Hospital. 

By the time I was situated in the ambulance things had started to improve. My stats were moving towards normal though still not in the good range. The team at the ER sprung into action just like you see on Gray's or ER on tv. Lot's of questions were being called out to me as they shifted me from the gurney to the ER bed.  "3,2,1 and slide." I think I did pretty well with all that. I did notice have some issues with word recall when talking which is unusual for me. Luckily the EMS had already started a line so new pokes were needed. It is all kind of a blur now but I knew I was safe and would be well cared for. 

As things settled down and the replay of events was provided multiple times they started their differential process of identifying what happened with the 54 year old white male who presented with heart attack symptoms and low stats. They would go talk and then come back and ask me more questions. What you the reader may not know is that I was diagnosed with Bronchitis a week ago at the Urgent Care. I was given a Zpac (antibiotics) and a Prednisone Pack (steroids) and an inhaler (albuterol) and sent me on my merry way. Long story short I was back in the Urgent Care on Friday still struggling. So they decided to go ahead and give me a Steroid Shot (ouch!) and sent me home with another script for daily steroids for another week. As I was walking out the door the nurse said don't start the oral doses until Saturday since we gave you the shot today. I am glad she said that I probably would have once I picked them up at the pharmacy. 

Returning to the current situation at hand in the ER, the doctors are trying to ascertain if this is really a heart issue or some sort of bronchitis issue. The current vein of thought is that I was given way too much steroids this week. When I arrived at the hospital my blood sugar level was over 500, five times the healthy range! Steroids have a wonderful knack for messing with blood sugar levels. 

I also mentioned to them that I had a headache creeping up the back left side of my head that felt weird and odd. I mentioned my dad's history of TIA's (mini strokes) and the my issue throughout the evening of having a hard time with word recall while talking. She did a basic neuro exam and everything presented normal, but in the back of my mind I was thinking my dad always does too. 

How that relates to the heart pain and and thumping is also a mystery, then then they start talking about a potential blood clot in the lung and considering having me evaluated for that, but before that they started that process they began massive fluid loading me through the IV as my heart rate was still high and if it were a blood cult (Pulmonary Embolism) then my heart rate would not respond to the high dose of fluids. Luckily the blood rate went down, though not normal down, but enough to rule out blood clot. Sigh of relief on that one. 

Overall my pain, pressure and heart thumps had pretty much dissipated and the blood work showed that it was likely not a heart attack, but still not a clear answer that explains the episode I had. Doctor and I talked and decided admission was the best plan for observation and additional testing. They would call in cardiologist on call to come see me in the morning. 

So all that to say that I am in the hospital I am safe and stable. I will be here at least another day for more testing on my heart tomorrow morning. They have been monitoring my glucose levels closely. I was at 223 this morning and just around 11:30 I was down to 126. They did give me a dose of insulin this morning but I am hoping it is not an ongoing concern or need. Ughhh I can't do that! 

I was finally rolled into room 3515 about 2 am for my stay here at the luxurious Capital Region Ritz! I have had about 3 to 4 hours of sleep so far. Thanks to my family, I have the things I need to survive, computers, phones and chargers and have quiet day on deck. Maybe a bit bit lonely so feel free to text. I hate talking on the phone so don't call me. LOL Just being honest. 

Stay tuned and we will see what comes up tomorrow in this enverend journey of mine I call life! 

Love - Light - Blessings to you all

Where does that leave your heart....

 It has been a while, but when my fingers start to stir I got to push some letters and numbers on a keyboard. 

As a human, and an individual with a soul, as someone who longs to give and receive, how do you want to be received at the end of a long day! Do you notice those days when you come home and find no one to welcome you! Where does that leave your heart?

What does your favorite dog do when you arrive home after being a way for a few hours, days or longer? The tail is probably wagging with enough energy to start a car. They might have the zoomies as they are so excited they can't stand still long enough to believe you really came back like you promised. Maybe they were so happy to see you they left a little piddle on your shoe, the excitement just squirted right out of them. How do you react when you are greeted like this? Are you smiling? Are you  scrunched down on their level talking to them in your best doggie woggie voice while scratching behind the ears and giving belly rubs? Where does that leave your heart? 

After 60 years of marriage you arrive home from another run to the store because you were out of two things and couldn't wait until you needed 5 things so you went today. Walking thru the door you look into the family room to find your mate right where you left them an hour ago sitting in their chair under their blanket surrounded by an assortment of collected items they carried to their little spot in the universe to keep them comfortable. Walking in giving a gentle kiss or pat on their arm letting them know you were back, for them to only just then realize you were gone as their mind keeps them locked in a a different place due to dementia. You recognize a familiar sadness in your soul but you know you are home and where you belong. Where does that leave your heart? 

Maybe you are one of the ones to come home and find your mini me waving in the window as you pull in the drive way. Maybe they are standing by the door yelling with glee that daddy's home or mommy's home. They come a running and quickly throw their arms around you and hold on for dear life and so happy to see that you really came back like you promised. Those little squeezes and belly blaster szlurberts (it was an 80s word) are just the introduction you needed to being home again. Where does that leave your heart? 

Then there are the days when you roll in the drive way to find the house quiet, but yet peaceful and calm to find your mate sitting quietly on the couch awaiting your arrival so they can share their day with you and vice versa. Holding hands quietly or swiping away an out of place strand of hair as you talk quietly and share the promises and the fears of your day, but quietly reassured that you both really came back like you promised. Feeling wanted and loved and accepted. Where does that leave your heart? 

Some days when you arrive home it may not be so great. The fridge is broke and leaking on the floor. Your mate is still fighting end of day traffic and picking up fast food for dinner. Your teenagers barely acknowledge your presence with a grunt through their ear buds. You are already tired and grumpy and collapse into your favorite chair that is covered in some unknown substance and while not the beautiful Hallmark welcome you had hoped for, you know you are home Even in the mess you recognize it as your mess and your home and where you belong for better or worst. Where does that leave your heart?

For some, the coming home moments are moments to avoid. Walking into the dark or empty house and you catch yourself calling out their name only to remember that they are gone. That have already gone home and await your arrival. Meals in silence with the background of the tv in background to drown out the loneliness. The nights asleep on the couch or recliner to avoid the emptiness of the bed. At the end of those days you await a phone call from one your own just to say hi, now you don't call them because you don't want to be a bother. Yet the house is full of reminders, photos and mementos of a life well lived but where does that leave your heart? 

Imagine your life if you will, as one long day! And at the end of that day is when you breathe your last, who and how do you want to be greeted on the other side of that door. 

I came across a video on FB today and it spoke to me and made me smile and shed a tear even, because I found it powerful. See below! Click the next line and watch.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/600901465572558

https://www.facebook.com/reel/600901465572558

Now that you watched that video and hopefully have taken a moment to process which one you might be most like when you arrive at the end of your long day and come face to face with HIM! How will you react? Fun to think about, 

But the one thing I noticed each time someone met Him was that his reaction was always the same. No matter how the other's greeted him, He was smiling and his countenance full of JOY for you had come home. He touched and embraced and smiled and laughed and comforted and gave peace and forgiveness. He gives all these things to those He loves and cherishes! Just like the emotions your dog or toddler or mate or whoever was there when you came home at the end of the day they welcomed you and offered you what you needed at that moment. Now hopefully He won't piddle on your foot but maybe a szlurbert would be fun! 

Where does that leave your heart?