Do you remember holding your child in your arms for the very
first time? Do you remember the feelings that overwhelmed you in that moment?
The strong sense that you would do whatever you could to help this child to
grow, develop, bloom and be successful in life. You did not just become a
parent in that moment; you became a teacher, motivator, disciplinarian, mentor,
playmate, maid, and everything else that they would need during their lives. You
have committed yourself to be there for you child in whatever possible. Of
course, one of the goals is to raise our children to be independent and
successful even without our being there to pick them up with each fall. But how
many times do we stand there and cringe and even start to reach out to steady your
child when you see a pending obstacle, yet you pull back to help them encounter
the obstacle in their own way. No matter what your child’s age may be, do you
ever stop wanting to help? Do you find yourself not wanting to put your hand in
front of them as you step on the brake suddenly while driving down the street? The
need to be there to protect and help our children is inherent from the day of
their birth to the day of their death, or sadly their child’s death as occurs
in some cases. Not trying to be morbid, but over the past few days I have
become very aware of this position.
One of my greatest blessings comes in the forms of my mom
and dad! Curt and Brenda Ballard are some amazing folks! And yes, they drive me
absolutely crazy at times. And to be fair I return the favor. Being an only
child is not something I do not take lightly and thus our lives are very
intertwined. Clearly there are days where I want to cut the vines that bind us
together and again I know they have felt the same way at times. It would be
easy to be resentful of the fact that my being an only child is probably an
unfair burden for me and for them as well. Not having a sibling means that my
closest allies in life are my parents. For them they don’t have favorites so
they are stuck with me as their only option.
This past week I have come to realize that while I am very
concerned about my parents and their aging process that they too are concerned
about my own aging process. I just turned 48 and am divorced with five amazing
and challenging children. In addition, dealing with my medical and physical
realities and unable to work while now facing a new chapter of medical drama
that none of us are looking forward to. One of the things my parents did well,
was to raise a very independent man! They never treated me different due to my
physical and medical challenges and always encouraged me to do my best with
what I had to work with in any given situation. Ok so maybe I was a little
spoiled and to a degree still am, part of the only child syndrome! Yet there
are some who are quick to point out that I may have taken my independence a
little too far at times by tending to choose to travel the roads less traveled.
Others might say that I am fooling myself and have become an entitled tyrant who
does not like not getting his way. But who does not like getting their own way?
As my parents were here these past few days to help me with
Spring Break and the kiddos as we awaited the verdict of my current medical
drama to unfold, we clearly encountered our share of power struggles. They wanted
to help me because I was feeling so bad, and yet my strong independent streak roared
its ugly head. Yes, I can be a butthead sometimes and they know it and still
love me. Yet they are aware that they are stuck in their ways and a bit
stubborn themselves and I still love them. This unique combination is a special
treat (noted sarcastically) for us when we are all together and stressed!
A challenge I faced was dealing with physical chronic pain
and general blek feeling and wanting to do nothing, but also wanting to do what
I could. I was not good at communicating what I wanted to do. There were
moments when mom or dad was jerking their figurative hand out in front of me to
prevent a potential obstacle disaster. Sometimes I was appreciative, other
times not so much. For those times, I apologize, and I truly understand the
unique position they find themselves in. I am so appreciative and blessed to
have parents who have always supported me in good and bad times. When I made decisions,
they didn’t agree with and then didn’t take satisfaction by saying “I told you
so!” As there were clearly times they could have and even then, helped me
develop a plan to clean up a Brock Mess. They have learned over time when to
step back and let me do my thing and I know it has not been easy.
They are most incapable of holding back when I am sick or
not well or my health is in jeopardy. There is something that triggers
everything in them when it comes to my physical well-being. It probably stems
from losing a child thirty seven years ago, and being afraid of going through
that again. No I am not dying but when you are dealing with matters of the
heart it is hard to not consider all potential outcomes. They were told after
my older brother was born that they should not have more kids, but chose to do
so anyway. Even when I was born I fought and struggled for 3 months before they
could bring me home. They watched me struggle with hearing issues, bone and
joint issues, genetic testing and other variables over the years. They feel for
me with each added chapter of my medical history. Their internal desire to
protect me is overwhelming and never goes away. May I continue to be more aware
of their desire to protect me and help me along the way.
I totally get it. I have shared many of the travails and
obstacles my kids have faced in their lives. While most not of their own doing
and some of their own volition and I am always struggling with when do I reach
out my hand or redirect them from encountering an obstacle. Every day I find
myself trying to solve a problem for one of my kids to make their life a little
smoother. Depending on how unwise they are being motivates me as to how much I
want to help them (think teenagers). So yes, parents struggle with where the
line lies as to when and when not to intervene. Clearly as I have seen in
recent days this struggle is lifelong! The joys of parenthood are forever and
amen!
All this to say a huge SHOUT OUT to my parents…. truly the
best and most amazing parents around! I know they did a little happy dance in
the car as they pulled away from my house this morning…. I am glad they didn’t
see me behind the closed front door after they left. We obviously have more
journeys ahead as we move into the days and years ahead. Let us all be more
aware and thankful for our blessings. If you still have your parents please
call them, go by and give them a hug or let them know you are blessed by them
being in your life!
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