4 In The Morning

It has been 11 days since The Burning! Time seems to pass with the blink of an eye. The limbo and the uncertainty of it all can be exhausting. Some have called me a "Control Freak" and I would agree with that. As I have gotten older I have become more adept at letting go! Though situations such as those I currently find myself in are definitely taxing my ability to not take control. I have learned that advocating for a better room, or more efficient service and not always taking no as an answer is not necessarily control issues, but advocating for the best for my loved ones or even for myself.

Since The Burning, 4:30 am and I have become good friends. Every morning since that night I have woken up anytime between 4 and 4:30 am. No one has woken me up. No big noises or anything has disturbed me. I just wake up and lie there and toss and turn for awhile in what can be described as a vain attempt to return to my slumber. Still it evades me as I usually end up relenting to be awake at that time of the morning.

It is during those wee morning hours that my need for control races through my mind as my mind makes plans and strategies for the day ahead and how to get done what needs to be done. Yet as we know I plan and God laughs! There has even been less predictability than ever in these recent days. Insurance company calls and says this. The restoration company calls and says they want that. The inventory company calls and reports this. After I take one of the calls I find myself frustrated as this process is taking too long and usually disrupts what little control I thought I had for the day.

Six months is the number in my head that I am thinking in terms of moving back into the house with the rest of the family. Which puts us right before Christmas the Good Lord willing. It would make a nice Christmas present to be home again. Yes home is where the heart is and blah blah blah...leave those sentiments for the Hallmark Channel. I just want to go home and so do my kids. You can count on me to advocate and encourage and motivate all the necessary players involved to get it done.

During those early morning hours I might pray, or read, or just lay there and think about this or that. I am finding myself missing my dog. Duncan is living with my parents until we get to move home again. I love that dog! I miss him snuggled up against my feet at the end of my bed each morning. He is so dang cute and I want him to come home. I am afraid my mom is going to make him fat. She gives him too many treats and doesn't walk him enough. LOL

It is not as dark as you would expect it to be at 4:30 am. Especially when you are living in a hotel! The lights in the parking lot or the neon hotel sign high above or even just the moon provides a lot of light through the window, though my daughter Alexis would disagree. She does not like sleeping in a room with no lights on. Which totally cramps my style as I can't hardly sleep with a light on. So sometimes at 4:30 am I turn off the light since she is asleep! HA take that kid!

I cannot even turn a TV on at 4:30 am as there is usually a kid asleep somewhere close by and by golly we don't want to wake them up! Instead of television I resort to reading on my phone or scrolling through Facebook or playing stupid games.

4:30 am is not my friend and I look forward to the day when I can have a room of my own again. Maybe that will help me sleep past 4:30 am. I don't like 4:30 am! Did you get that yet? If you are awake at 4:30 tomorrow morning feel free to text me....I may or may not respond!